Thursday, November 24, 2011


As some of you all may have deduced from some of my previous posts, my husband and I became pregnant with our first baby a few months ago. Sadly, we miscarried in September. This is the biggest tragedy our marriage has faced so far. We were heartbroken, but our faith in God and the love and support from our friends and family helped us through.

When I came across the quote above, it really struck a chord with me. Most people I see on a day to day basis don't know about the weight that is sitting on my heart, or that I am taking a 'fake it 'till you make it' approach with my smile. At the same time, the same could be true for the people I see day to day. We all carry burdens in some way or another.

Holidays are always tough for me because I think about the loved ones who are no longer with me and and all my hopes for the previous year that haven't come true yet. I fear this year will be much the same. I'll be thinking of our loss, of how my belly isn't growing because of the baby I carry, how we're not picking out things for the nursery...

As a way to ease my own grief, this holiday season I am going to try to focus on what I am thankful for, and start hoping for next year. 

I am thankful for my husband. He is such an amazing partner in life, dedicated to providing for our family, so appreciative and supportive of everything I do, and so loving. He's my best friend.

I am thankful that God has put so many wonderful family members and friends in our lives who knew just what to say and do to ease our grieving hearts. 

I am thankful for my relationship with my family and with my husband's family. Love abounds.

I am thankful for my church community, both in Northern Virginia and South West Virginia. We are rich in prayers. Going to church every Sunday has really strengthened our marriage and enriched our lives. 

I am thankful for the doctors and nurses who provided me with medical care throughout our pregnancy, miscarriage, and aftercare. There's no doubt in my mind that they did everything they could for us. They were even able to tell us that we were pregnant with a baby boy. All along we were thinking it was a baby girl and had even named her Allison Grace. When we found out the news we decided to change his name to Alexander Gabriel. A strong name for a baby in Heaven.

I am thankful for quilting and that I am able to give back to my community through my hobby. I don't think I ever had a 'you are called' moment like some people do. Still, I feel like quilting both heals me and that I am able to help/heal/love others in my own way by donating my work to charities or giving quilted gifts to friends and family.

I am thankful for 'enough'. Enough money in the bank, enough food in the pantry. I have a roof over my head, a job that pays the bills, a car that gets me from A to B. Not everyone can say that.

I am thankful I live not just in a house, but a home. There is a difference. My home with my husband is filled with the wags and loving licks of our sweet black lab Lucy, has comfy places to rest, displays artwork made for us, or I made, or my husband and I picked out together, has rooms and things for entertaining our friends and family, a kitchen to cook together in, and spaces to create and play in.

I am thankful for this prayer as it has helped me through many a tough spot:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

--Reinhold Niebuhr
I am thankful for the blog world as it is an outlet to share my life and be a part of others. I doubt I would have met so many wonderful people and learned so many wonderful things otherwise. Thank you for stopping by to read here and for your comments you've left me. Today is a particularly heavy sharing day for me, but I hope you all won't mind. I have some great posts in the works and they are almost all quilt related. I promise.

I  hope I can continue to be thankful for all the blessings in my life. I hope that one day soon my husband and I will be blessed with another baby. I hope I can continue being a good wife, daughter, sister, friend.

I hope that I have enough strength to overcome whatever battles the next year brings.

I hope I'm kind to everyone I meet.

Happy Thanksgiving


Allie said...

I don't know if there are ever the right words, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear about your loss and to send you some kind wishes.

kelly said...

i had a miscarriage a few months ago too... it hurts, so much, but God sustains and Jesus gives hope. i'm praying for you.

Anonymous said...

So sorry for your loss. Be well.
Leigh xx

Shammickite said...

The same thing happened to me at 10 weeks. It was like the end of the world! It took a long time for me to get over it mentally, lots of tears. But within 18 months I had a bouncing baby boy. That baby boy is now 29 years old and the father of a 2 year old and new twins. So don't despair...

WesternWilson said...

Ah pet, life is just not fair sometimes. I am so sorry for your loss of Alexander, and know you will love him well all your days. You will be strong enough for your battles, as you have the gift for reaching out for healthy love and support. And in faith, you are never truly alone. But a big hug to you and your husband anyway. Thankyou for this blog post, which touched my heart and gave me strength too. Long or short, the gift of life is precious.

Hollie said...

I have been thinking about you a lot lately and I applaud your bravery for sharing your struggles here. I'm always here for you. Sending you a big hug from across the country.

Jacey said...

I didn't realize you'd gone through this, and I'm sorry it happened. I hope you and your husband are able to fulfill this dream in time. Thanks for sharing your story, and you're right; you never know what someone else is going through.

Cris said...

Dear Natalie, I am so proud of you for sharing your pain. May God give you strength, hope, and courage. You have much support from your extended family and friends. You are so right, everyone has burdens and it is by reaching out and helping others that we can put our own life in perspective. Much love, Mom.